The sisters didn’t have a penny to their name-they left behind everything they knew. Only one could speak English.Ī woman sat next to them, and, reminded of her own daughters, was moved by their frightening plight. Inside she placed dangly earrings, a $100 bill and a handwritten note, which read: She reached into her purse and pulled out an envelope. “I am so sorry that the bombing of your country has caused your family any problems. I hope your stay in America will be a safe and happy one for you–Welcome to America–please use this to help you here. For the refugee sisters Ayda Zugay and Vanja Contino, that had meant everything. Let’s first start here: what is shame? Shame is an acute feeling of aloneness that comes when we have a perceived break in connection with others. It’s the lived experience of, 'I am unlovable' or 'No one would want to be with me if they knew this about me.' Interestingly, we can feel shame even when we are all by ourselves simply by thinking back to something that left us feeling alienated.Īnd what about shame in children? Why does shame begin so early? Well, children are actually particularly susceptible to shame because their survival depends on attachment with adult caregivers.
